Well, I'm not sure how this works...all I know is I need a place to get it all out. I am 32 years old, and currently have no real direction in life. Scary...yes. Bothersome to those who love me...yes. Leaves me going from destination to destination looking...yes. I find myself looking far and wide for the one thing that will provide a feeling of belonging, where I fit, where I matter. I am not looking for pity, nor do I lead a miserable existence. I have been many wonderful places and have met many amazing people. I have experienced more in 32 years than most people do in 70. I have conquered many personal demons, drug addiction being the largest. In this post, we'll take a look at some of the places and experiences I've had.
College - I joined the Marines after a brief freshman year of college. In that year I was president of the Freshman Forum, President of my pledge class, A collegiate rugby player....everything but a student. I often wonder if I had attended class, where I would be now.
USMC - Many people join due to a sincere feeling of patriotism. I joined because I was bored and tired of couch surfing. I had dropped out of college, began using drugs, parting around the clock, and neglecting my family. Some reason huh? I do not regret my service...but in the endless search of meaning...The Corps fell short. It wasn't for me. I hated the idea of uniforms, barracks life, formations, and all the other customs involved. I am not anit-military..I actually admire those that continue providing our freedom. It just wasn't the destination I hoped it would be.
California - When my time in the Corps was over, I stayed in Cali. Surfing, working, abusing drugs, and living the most self centered, self indulgent life ever. Looking back....it was disgusting. I took advantage of every person, job, and situation possible. Living only for me. I loved and lost....true love. I wasn't ready to love...or didn't know how. I rarely experience regret, but I do regret the way I treated Her. I often feel I am cursed in love due to my actions during this time.
Anniston, Tuscaloosa, Auburn - I returned home after wrecking my life with Her. I figured out I was good at cooking, and it opened many doors. I soon was offered management positions with many companies. Each time hoping it was the time I'd get it right, and each time dashing the hopes and expectations of myself and others. I made friend all over, and eventually abandoned them all to live the selfish life of an addict. There were times i didn't use...I would start to get it together...but like that old shirt you never throw away, drugs would creep back in and demolish all. In Auburn, I loved again. As best I could. Of course, my efforts were not enough. I could never live honestly due to my addiction, so love would never work.
Gi's Death, Warrior,AL ,- While in Auburn, I lost my best friend. My grandmother passed away. I was crushed. You see, during all the craziness of my so called life, she was the rock. I always leveled with her, without fear of judgement. She gave no looks of disappointment, no condescending sighs...only love. Many of my family think I took advantage of her. I am here today, drug free and of clear heart to tell you that never happened. I did waste away the small financial allotments she had for me, we all know this. other than that though, there was no abuse. After her death, the drugs won...i mean really won. I overdosed, my heart stopped, and one of my buddies used CPR to bring me to life. I drove home, and begged my parents to send me to rehab. I had no insurance...so it was costly..$8000. In my time of need, my wonderful parents wrote a check, and never batted an eye. WOW. I will never be able to express the proper amount of gratitude needed to honor them. 22 days later, I move to a sober living house, and eventually back to Anniston, with the help of Tgrizz. Tgrizz is and always will be my brother from another mother.
Anniston - I lived a couple of years completely clean and sober. My mother passed away during this time, and I managed to stay sober during the entire ordeal. I miss her terribly. I lived with Tgrizz and other buddies...Highpockets, mikeO, and Giles. After a messy breakup with The Twin, who i still think of to this day, I decided I deserved a night out and a couple of beers.Two weeks later I owned/operated a bar. Crazy World!!!! As not to incriminate myself or others...the days of the CrimsonT were nuts. Absolutely nuts. It was fast, fun, unexplainable, and just like that, it was over.
Alaska - Coolworks.com landed me and my cuz Jrogers in Moose Pass,AK. Any piece of my heart I had left upon arriving here...still resides in The Pass. One day I hope the search lands me back in AK.
ISRO - Isle Royale National Park, Rock Harbor Lodge...I will return soon dear island. I miss your warn embrace and room for reflection and evaluation. I will tell others about you in great detail.
I am in Ohio now, working for a friend, waiting to see whats next. I honestly don't know.
to all my supporters
the Vino Slinger, SuaSponte, Mr.Burks, Tgrizz, KD, hebert, highpockets...I love you all dearly, and would be lost without you.
Wow Brett! Had no idea you had been thru so much. Know you are thankful to have your friends & family when you needed them the most. Praying for you! God bless!
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